For more than 20 years, the Modern Love column has given New York Times readers a glimpse into the complicated love lives of real people. Since its start, the column has evolved into a TV show, three books and a podcast. Each week, host Anna Martin brings you stories and conversations about love in all its glorious permutations, dumb pitfalls and life-changing moments. New episodes every Wednesday. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and Amazon Music. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.
The "check-splitting" moment on dates often triggers intense anxiety and complex power dynamics, prompting Janene Lin to propose a radical solution: opening a joint checking account by the third date. Rooted in her upbringing, where family banquets involved competitive, performative rituals around paying, this approach...
Divorce often shatters the traditional family structure, yet it remains possible to preserve a sense of unity through intentional, child-centered co-parenting. Denise Ryan, author of the essay "Please Love My Son as I Do," reflects on her journey from a traumatic childhood divorce to navigating her own separation from ...
Alan Cumming explores the path to self-acceptance after growing up under the shadow of a volatile, abusive father. His childhood was defined by hyper-vigilance and a lack of agency, particularly regarding his appearance, which later informed his craft as an actor. The revelation that he was not his father's biological ...
Navigating the complexities of biracial identity involves constant negotiation between internal self-perception and external societal assumptions. Author Kelly McWilliams, who presents as white despite her Black heritage, explores the psychological weight of "passing" and the resulting survivor's guilt when witnessing ...
Societal expectations regarding life timelines often create immense pressure, particularly for those raised in restrictive religious environments. Comedian Taylor Tomlinson reflects on the collapse of her engagement at 25, revealing how she initially used the relationship as a "mood stabilizer" and a way to conform to ...
Director Joe Swanberg reflects on the intersection of his personal life and his filmmaking, specifically regarding his divorce and subsequent dating experiences. After a twenty-year marriage, Swanberg navigated a midlife period characterized by rigid, self-imposed boundaries—such as refusing to remarry or have more chi...
Food serves as a profound medium for emotional expression and self-discovery, particularly during major life transitions. Chef and cookbook author Carla Lalli explores this connection in her memoir-cookbook, Food Is a Feeling, which chronicles her journey following the end of a 24-year marriage. After years of prioriti...
Receiving a positive pregnancy test and a multiple sclerosis diagnosis within 24 hours forces a radical, immediate shift in life trajectory. Psychologist Blake Martin navigates the profound emotional dissonance of holding both profound joy and existential fear, transforming his view of parenthood from a series of assum...
Organizing play parties involves creating intentional, safe environments that prioritize communication, curiosity, and vulnerability over traditional, heteronormative sexual dynamics. Professional organizer Jess Zakira Wise explains that successful events require significant emotional labor and careful spatial design, ...
Tech writer and podcaster Bridget Todd recounts her transition from a skeptical observer of artificial intelligence to a user who relied on ChatGPT for emotional support during the sudden loss of her mother and the decline of her father. While initially viewing AI as a tool prone to errors and corporate hype, she found...
Anxiety fundamentally alters romantic dynamics by creating physical symptoms and a desire for withdrawal that often conflict with conventional relationship expectations. For those who experience anxiety as a visceral, isolating force, the pressure to be "seamless" and perfectly attentive can make intimacy feel suffocat...
Deep male friendships often erode during the transition into adulthood, marriage, and fatherhood, leaving many men feeling isolated despite their professional and personal successes. Sam Graham-Felsen, author of "Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?", describes how societal pressures and the desire for self-su...
Polyamory functions as a complex relationship structure where the emotional bonds between non-sexual partners often form the backbone of the "polycule." Dr. Eli Sheff, a long-term researcher in the field, observes that children raised in polyamorous families frequently develop advanced communication and community-build...
Intimacy and disability intersect through the lived experience of Kyla Harris, a tetraplegic creator who navigates the complexities of romantic relationships, bodily autonomy, and the necessity of personal assistants. After a life-altering accident at age 15, Harris redefined her understanding of sexuality, moving beyo...
Comedian and actor Robby Hoffman navigates the intersection of poverty, trauma, and professional success, tracing her path from an ultra-orthodox Hasidic community in Crown Heights to the mainstream entertainment industry. Her comedy functions as a defensive mechanism and a tool for social critique, prioritizing the "r...
Losing a child creates a seismic shift in existence that requires honest, direct language to navigate. Susie Shaw, who lost her nine-year-old son William in a skiing accident, advocates for open communication, emphasizing that bereaved parents want their children’s names spoken and their stories remembered. Rather than...
Masculinity and Asian-American identity shape the life and work of author and chef Eddie Huang, who reflects on his journey from a defensive, bullied youth to a man seeking vulnerability and connection. Growing up under the weight of racial stereotypes and a volatile home environment, Huang initially adopted a "tough g...
Elizabeth Laura Nelson and her best friend, Jeff, maintained a deep, two-decade-long bond defined by playful banter, shared routines, and mutual vulnerability. Despite their distinct personalities and occasional disagreements—often fueled by Jeff’s stubbornness and skepticism toward Western medicine—they remained each ...
The complex, evolving relationship between writer Julian Brave NoiseCat and his father, Ed Archie NoiseCat, centers on the intergenerational trauma stemming from the Canadian residential school system. Julian’s father, a renowned Indigenous artist, struggled with alcoholism and abandonment, leaving a profound void in J...
Laverne Cox reflects on her journey from a bullied child in Mobile, Alabama, to an Emmy-nominated actor, centered on the release of her memoir, Transcendent. She details the profound impact of her mother’s high expectations and the resulting feelings of being a burden, which she eventually navigated through therapy and...
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