Plus: How your envy can be useful, why you're an unreliable narrator of your own life, and why you keep choosing partners who echo the unfinished business of your childhood.

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold over three million copies and has been translated into over 30 languages. In addition to her clinical practice, she writes The New York Times "Ask the Therapist" advice column and is co-host of the popular "Dear Therapists" podcast and the advice podcast Since You Asked.

In this episode we talk about:

Why insight alone doesn't change anything, and what "idiot compassion" gets wrong
Whether you actually need to like your therapist
Why there's no such thing as a hierarchy of pain
How to spot a help-rejecting complainer, including in yourself
What envy is actually trying to tell you
Why a real boundary is a bid for connection, not a cutoff
Why we're all unreliable narrators, and how to edit the story you tell about yourself
Why we keep choosing partners who echo our unfinished business

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Additional Resources:

Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Workbook
Maybe You Should Talk To Someone Journal

Join Dan, Sebene Selassie, and Jeff Warren for Meditation Party, a 3-day immersive retreat at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY, October 16–18. Grab your in-person spot here, or sign up to livestream here!

This episode is sponsored by:
Function Health: Join at functionhealth.com/happier or use the gift code HAPPIER25 for a $25 credit toward your membership.

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Secrets From the Therapist's Couch: How Boundaries Actually Work, How To Come To Peace With Your Parents, and Why It's Not Too Late To Change | Lori Gottlieb

10% Happier with Dan Harris

Secrets From the Therapist's Couch: How Boundaries Actually Work, How To Come To Peace With Your Parents, and Why It's Not Too Late To Change | Lori Gottlieb