We spend much of our lives building our careers. We chase success, recognition, and expansive networks—yet despite all of it, many of us still experience a quiet, persistent loneliness.

In this episode of Office Hours, I turn to Aristotle and his work, the Nicomachean Ethics, to ask an age-old question: what makes a good friend? I’ll explore Aristotle’s three types of friendship, and suggest something that sounds counterintuitive: the best of friends are perfectly useless. I also share four practical ways to deepen the friendships you already have, and cultivate more of these useless relationships that create real meaning, deeper happiness, and a life well lived.

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(06:32) Why close friendships are essential to happiness

(11:42) What a healthy friendship ecosystem looks like

(14:54) Aristotle’s three types of friendship

(23:57) Real friends vs. deal friends

(31:17) Friendship step #1: Give yourself a friendship checkup

(32:39) Friendship step #2: Identify the people who truly know you

(35:06) Friendship step #3: Go deep or go home

(38:24) Friendship step #4: Make more friends that you don’t need

(41:32) Q&A: Adjusting to home after a year abroad

(44:12) Q&A: Building better habits

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Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com

• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership

• Arthur’s newsletter: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale

• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur

• Why You Should Want to Be Alone: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/07/hermit-solitude-benefits-happiness/678955

• I Matter to My Friend, Therefore I am Happy: Friendship, Mattering, and Happiness: https://experts.nau.edu/en/publications/i-matter-to-my-friend-therefore-i-am-happy-friendship-mattering-a

• Friendship and personality as predictors of happiness: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-006-9012-7

•The average American has three best friends: https://www.the-independent.com/life-style/friends-adults-american-how-to-friendship-difficulty-a8906861.html

• Social Support, Social Strain, Loneliness, and Well-Being Among Older Adults: An Analysis of the Health and Retirement Study: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-05698-001

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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4 Ways to Get Better at Friendship

Office Hours with Arthur Brooks

4 Ways to Get Better at Friendship