‘Interviewing my father’: A journalist reflects on making peace with his dad

Investigative journalist Tony Plohetski explores the complex reconciliation with his late father, Victor, following decades of emotional estrangement rooted in his father’s hyper-masculine expectations and rejection of Tony’s identity as a gay man. By treating his terminally ill father as a primary source for a journalistic inquiry, Plohetski uncovered deep-seated multi-generational trauma, including Victor’s childhood loss of two father figures that shaped his stoic, often harsh exterior. This process revealed a shared history of childhood bullying and a mutual lack of the paternal support each needed. While acknowledging the modern trend of "no contact" within the LGBTQ+ community, Plohetski advocates for the value of maintaining "low-grade estrangement" when possible, as his father’s final willingness to share his history provided a lasting gift of understanding and closure that transcended their lifelong emotional distance.