What can DBT teach us about turning invalidation into joy?

Dr. Kiki Fehling and Dr. Ann Kelley explore how chronic invalidation can shape emotional regulation, identity, and self-worth, particularly for queer and trans individuals. Through the lens of DBT and minority stress, Kiki shares how understanding these experiences can help challenge internalized shame, build resilience, and move beyond simply healing – and make space for authenticity, connection, and queer joy.

“Internalized shame can be healed through community.” – Dr. Kiki Fehling

Time Stamps for DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309)

00:27 Understanding chronic invalidation in parenting and garegiving
02:05 How invalidations lead to emotional dysregulation
04:37 Adult consequences of childhood invalidations
07:00 Invalidation beyond parenting: Queer identity and society
07:59 Minority stress and queer invalidations
14:51 Using DBT to cultivate joy and self-acceptance
23:06 Practical tools: Books and resources for self-directed DBT

About our Guest – Dr. Kiki Fehling

Dr. Kiki Fehling (they/she) is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and DBT-Linehan-Board-certified expert in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Passionate about making evidence-based mental health information more accessible, Kiki focuses on advocacy and public education around suicide prevention, LGBTQIA+ mental health, borderline personality disorder, and the intersection between mental health and heart health. She is the author of The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook, Self-Directed DBT Skills, and DBT Cards for Coping Skills. Kiki also writes the Substack newsletter How To Queer Joy, volunteers for nonprofits Now Matters Now and WomenHeart, and shares DBT skills and mental health resources across social media @dbtkiki.

Resources for DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309)

The LGBTQ+ Mental Health Workbook – Find Emotional Resilience, Self-Love, and Queer Joy with Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Self-Directed DBT Skills – 3-Month DBT Workbook

Dr. Kiki Fehling’s website – Additional resources and information

@DBTKiKi – Official Instagram page

@DBTKIKI – Official Tiktok page

DBTKIKI – Official Youtube channel

How To Queer Joy – Official Substack

**Please support our sponsors – they keep our podcast free and accessible to all!**

SimplePractice is an all-in-one EHR that is HIPPA compliant, HITRUST certified and built specifically for therapists.

If you are ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to SimplePractice.com to claim the offer.

Beyond Attachment Styles –

Deepening Security in Yourself and Fostering More Secure Relationships

Course available NOW!

Everyone’s heard of attachment styles – but you likely don’t know how much the popular press gets wrong and what the science actually says about how to improve your relationships long term (including how we relate to ourselves). This course is for anyone wanting to more deeply understand attachment (styles vs patterns), unconscious defense activation patterns, implicit scripts… and most importantly, what to do once you do get activated! Online, Self-Paced, Asynchronous Learning with Quarterly Live Q&A’s! Earn 6 Continuing Education Credits – Available at Checkout.

As a listener of this podcast, use code BAS15 for a limited-time discount.

Or read Marriott & Kelley’s critically-acclaimed book, Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World (HarperCollins,2023)

for the most in-depth experience of learning about Secure Relating.

Therapists love it, but it’s accessible to everyone. If you aren’t interested in the background science, just start at Part 2 and we will be talking directly to you – it’s fun!

You are invited!

OK for those of you who refer others to the pod, use it professionally or consider yourself nerdy and just love this stuff, hello, you are our people!

Join our exclusive community to get exclusive bonus content, early access to training opportunities, and an ad-free, private podcast feed. It’s this warm community that allows us to donate half of all corportate profits to mental health access for marginalized peoples. Sign up for our premium Neuronerd plan!! Click here!!

DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309)

Therapist Uncensored Podcast

DBT, Chronic Invalidation & Finding Queer Joy with Dr. Kiki Fehling (309)