Most of us think we're in love with our partners. This episode challenges that assumption directly.

In this episode, Andrew introduces the concept of compersion, a word from non-monogamous communities that describes a wholehearted, sympathetic joy for your partner's joy.

It's a feeling most of us can access for our children, our pets, our closest friends. But somewhere in long-term relationships, it disappears. And where it goes is exactly where the real conversation begins.

Because compersion isn't just a feeling. It's a litmus test. And what it reveals is whether what you're calling love is actually love, or whether it's attachment, people-pleasing, which are more about trying to control, manage, or “get” love.

In this episode:

What compersion is, where it comes from, and why it matters for everyone regardless of relationship structure
The difference between love and attachment, and why most people are experiencing the latter
Why the attachment style framework, as useful as it is, still points toward a cage
The difference between people-pleasing and genuine unconditional love
The downward spiral that happens when two people are both waiting for the other to change before they can be happy
Why surrender feels like giving up, and why it's actually the only way out
A new definition of love: not something you get, but something you are

The gut-check question from this episode: Can you feel genuine joy for your partner exactly as they are right now, without needing them to change a single thing?

Real love is always available. It's just what's left when you stop trying to control everything.

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You're Not In Love, You're In Control: Why Secure Attachment Is Still a Cage

Infinite Devotion

You're Not In Love, You're In Control: Why Secure Attachment Is Still a Cage