Why do coaching clients so often hit a wall with "I don't know", and how can you as a coach deal with it skillfully - without panicking or falling into quick-fix patterns? In this episode of The Coaching Hub Podcast, I explore what’s really happening when clients get stuck and offer practical strategies to turn these moments into breakthroughs.

I break down the variety of reasons clients get stuck: nervous system activation, not feeling safe, not ready to share, a simple need for space, or even neurodiversity factors like alexithymia, which make describing emotions difficult.

You’ll learn why piling on more questions rarely helps, and how offering space, naming patterns, and getting curious (rather than attached to an outcome) can help clients access their own insights. If you want to empower your clients (and yourself) to move forward from uncertainty, this episode will help you reframe those moments and support change more effectively.

What’s inside:

Why "I don't know" from clients shouldn’t be seen as a red flag but as a starting point for deeper exploration
Giving clients space and allowing silence can lead to meaningful self-reflection and breakthroughs
“I don't know" may signal discomfort rather than a lack of desire to engage
Coaches should remain curious, notice patterns, and view "I don't know" as valuable data, not a problem to fix
Self-awareness is crucial; coaches' reactions to uncertainty can impact the coaching relationship and client safety
Embracing and exploring "I don't know" can foster growth, new insights, and a better understanding of client needs.

Key Topics Covered:

00:00 Intro and what to do when your clients say "I don't know"

00:29 Common tendency to over-question when clients seem stuck

01:02 Interpreting "I don't know" as a sign of deeper client needs or emotions

01:52 The power of allowing space and silence after "I don't know"

03:00 Viewing "I don't know" as valuable data or insight

03:40 The importance of curiosity over repetition in questioning

04:02 Working with clients who struggle to identify or articulate emotions (alexithymia)

05:28 Recognising overwhelm, freeze states, and nervous system activation in clients

06:36 Revising the belief that coaches must always have answers, and discussing knowledge gaps

07:39 The coach’s self-awareness and regulation when confronted with client uncertainty

About Ruth Kudzi:

Ruth is the founder of Optimus Coaching Academy and a well-respected and successful coach, speaker and author who has worked across sectors including leadership, career and more recently business and mindset. She has over 10,000 coaching hours and has completed hundreds of hours of training and coaching supervision. Ruth is an MCC-level coach with the ICF and is our course director and CEO. Prior to becoming a coach, Ruth was a senior leader in education.