How Narcissist Baits You to Become His/her Mother (Skopje Seminar Day 2, Lecture 1, May 2025)

Pathological narcissism functions as a compulsive, pre-programmed reenactment of early childhood trauma, centered on the "shared fantasy." Narcissists, lacking a stable self, treat interpersonal relationships as a means to resolve unresolved maternal conflicts by casting partners as "new mothers." This process follows a rigid, involuntary cycle: spotting potential victims, auditioning them for suitability, and co-idealizing them through an internal snapshot that replaces the actual person. By infantilizing partners and fostering a "dual mothership"—where the narcissist becomes both child and mother—they create an intense, indissoluble psychological bond. This dynamic is not a choice but an inexorable, unconscious compulsion driven by a desperate need for control and a failure in early separation-individuation. Ultimately, the narcissist’s abuse serves as a test of the partner's unconditional devotion, ensuring the fantasy remains intact despite the inherent instability of the narcissist's internal world.