Ask Rachel anything

“My husband is highly critical of the teenagers, gets angry over little things and yells, so I’m having to make up for his behavior, and I often avoid involving him in parenting decisions."

This message came into my Substack. It was a plaintiff request for support and a plea to know how others deal with the problem.

When I posted it (with her permission), a flood of parents said, “This is my life too.”

If you're dealing with high conflict in your home, whether with your teens or your partner, then this is the episode for you.

Conflict navigation specialist, mediator, and divorce coach Masha Rusanov helps us to unpack what really sits behind high‑conflict dynamics at home—especially when one parent is emotionally dysregulated, highly critical, or reactive.

She says:

'We don’t choose our conflicts.
We repeat them.
Until we change the pattern."

In our conversation we explore:

Why we repeat the same painful conflict patterns (and how to start changing them)
Masha’s simple but powerful Exhale–Explore–Engage framework you can use in the heat of the moment
Practical scripts and tools (EAR and BIFF) for navigating a high‑conflict partner
How to protect your children emotionally, set boundaries, and avoid parentifying them
Ways to talk to your kids honestly about what’s happening—without overburdening them

If you’ve ever found yourself “making up” for a partner’s behaviour, or trying to keep things calm so your teens feel safe, this conversation is for you.

Masha Rusanov

Masha Rusanov is a Conflict Navigation Specialist, ICF-credentialed coach, and certified Divorce Coach with an MA in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding. She works with people navigating divorce, co-parenting, and high-conflict relationship dynamics, and is the author of Repatterned, a guide to breaking conflict patterns so you can stop reacting and start choosing. She also volunteers as a court mediator and community mediator in the Bay Area.

Repatterned Book

REMINDER: Please don't stay in a situation that is potentially dangerous. This is the national domestic abuse helpline for the UK, but you will likely have one in your country if you're listening somewhere else.

Spotting the signs

Is your partner jealous and possessive?
Is he charming one minute and abusive the next?
Does he tell you what to wear, where to go, who to see?
Does he constantly put you down?
Does he play mind games and make you doubt your judgment?
Does he con

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Parenting in High-Conflict Homes: Protecting Your Kids When Your Partner Won’t Change

Parenting Teenagers Untangled: The award-winning podcast for parents of tweens and teens, offering realistic, science-backed advice for calmer, more connected family life.

Parenting in High-Conflict Homes: Protecting Your Kids When Your Partner Won’t Change