I have bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed in late 2012 following my one and only severe manic episode. Most psychiatrists would regard me as a resounding success case – I never even remotely come close to suicidal depression, manic delusions of grandeur, impulsive spending, or irresponsible sexual behavior. By standard measures, I am well-adjusted, functional, and successful.

Part of this relative success is adherence to appropriate medication, and another part is maintaining good insight[1] into my mental state. Years ago, I defined a personal bipolar index scale to communicate to myself and close ones my mental state.

My bipolar index ranges from -10 to +10 and is a subjective self-report. -10 would be a state of extreme suicidal depression. +10 would be extreme mania with complete loss of insight, delusions of grandeur, pressured speech, psychosis, etc. 0 is the perfectly balanced state in the middle, neither up nor down.

In the last decade and a half, I don't think I've ever broken out of the -3 to +3 range. -2 to +1 is standard, and more so between -1 to 0.5 most of the time. Really, an extreme success case by typical psychiatric standards.

Yet the disease burden [...]

The original text contained 4 footnotes which were omitted from this narration.

---

First published:
April 2nd, 2026

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/CuTeXRShovP5gDBLy/2026-the-year-of-throwing-my-agency-at-my-health-now-with

---

Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

---

Images from the article:

Three line graphs showing Bipolar, Mood (Valence), and Motivation subjective scores over time from March to April.

Apple Podcasts and Spotify do not show images in the episode description. Try Pocket Casts, or another podcast app.

“2026: The year of throwing my agency at my health (now with added cyborgism)” by Ruby

LessWrong (30+ Karma)

“2026: The year of throwing my agency at my health (now with added cyborgism)” by Ruby