16 Mar 2026

2h 6m

#1072 - Dr Debra Soh - Why Nobody is Having Sex Anymore (& why it matters)

Modern Wisdom

The podcast explores the phenomenon of declining sexual activity among young people, dubbed "sex extinction," and its potential causes and implications. Dr. Debra Soh, a former sex researcher, discusses data indicating a significant decrease in partnered sex across generations and demographics, with solo sexual outlets not fully compensating. The conversation examines factors contributing to this trend, including the rise of internet pornography, social media-induced social division, unrealistic expectations fostered by online culture, and the impact of hormonal birth control on mating psychology. The discussion also covers the potential role of endocrine disruptors, the impact of plastic surgery trends, and the complex relationship between BDSM and childhood trauma. The conversation concludes with practical advice for both men and women to foster connection and intimacy in an increasingly disconnected world.

Outlines

Part 1: The Sex Recession and Modern Trends

Part 2: Mating Dynamics and Hypergamy

Part 3: Socio-Political and Biological Factors

Part 4: The Impact of Pornography

Part 5: Sexual Psychology and Kink

Part 6: Social Media and Physical Standards

Part 7: Relationships and Intimacy

Part 8: Artificial Companions and Technology

Part 9: Fertility, Motherhood, and Solutions

Open full episode in Podwise

#1072 - Dr Debra Soh - Why Nobody is Having Sex Anymore (& why it matters)

Modern Wisdom

Part 1: The Sex Recession and Modern Trends

00:00The Sex Recession: Millennials and Gen Z Are Having Less Sex

The Sex Recession: Millennials and Gen Z Are Having Less Sex

00:41Exploring the Decline of Sex: Pornography, Masturbation, and AI Companions

Exploring the Decline of Sex: Pornography, Masturbation, and AI Companions

01:59The Overall Decline in Sexual Activity Across All Demographics

The Overall Decline in Sexual Activity Across All Demographics

03:43The Sex Recession's Origins: Technology, Social Media, and Political Division

The Sex Recession's Origins: Technology, Social Media, and Political Division

05:13Concerning Statistics: Virginity, Sexlessness, and Prioritizing Sleep Over Sex

Concerning Statistics: Virginity, Sexlessness, and Prioritizing Sleep Over Sex

Part 2: Mating Dynamics and Hypergamy

07:23Hypergamy and Unrealistic Standards in Modern Dating Culture

Hypergamy and Unrealistic Standards in Modern Dating Culture

09:39Mating Dynamics: The Pool at Soho House and the Six-Inch Penis Myth

Mating Dynamics: The Pool at Soho House and the Six-Inch Penis Myth

11:20Men's Misconceptions About Women's Desires and the Internet's Influence

Men's Misconceptions About Women's Desires and the Internet's Influence

13:32The Tall Girl Problem: Socioeconomic Imbalance and the Scarcity of Eligible Men

The Tall Girl Problem: Socioeconomic Imbalance and the Scarcity of Eligible Men

15:48Hypergamy's Role in One-Night Stands and the Disincentive to Settle Down

Hypergamy's Role in One-Night Stands and the Disincentive to Settle Down

Part 3: Socio-Political and Biological Factors

17:50DEI's Impact on Men and the Misguided Fear of Rolling Back Advantages for Women

DEI's Impact on Men and the Misguided Fear of Rolling Back Advantages for Women

20:26The Downstream Effects of Outperforming Men in Education and Income

The Downstream Effects of Outperforming Men in Education and Income

22:34Birth Control's Impact on Mating Psychology: Halting Ovulation and Blunted Sexual Interest

Birth Control's Impact on Mating Psychology: Halting Ovulation and Blunted Sexual Interest

25:29The Long-Term Effects of Delayed Fertility and the Feminization of Men

The Long-Term Effects of Delayed Fertility and the Feminization of Men

28:55The Allure of the "Cinnamon Roll Boyfriend" and the Impact of Female Fertility on Men

The Allure of the "Cinnamon Roll Boyfriend" and the Impact of Female Fertility on Men

31:37Endocrine Disruptors and the Decline in Testosterone Levels

Endocrine Disruptors and the Decline in Testosterone Levels

35:34SSRIs, Libido, and the Question of Desire vs. Coupling

SSRIs, Libido, and the Question of Desire vs. Coupling

Part 4: The Impact of Pornography

37:05Pornography's Role in Lethargy and the Decline of Young Men

Pornography's Role in Lethargy and the Decline of Young Men

39:17The Male Sedation Hypothesis: Screens, Video Games, and Porn

The Male Sedation Hypothesis: Screens, Video Games, and Porn

40:43The Neuroscience of Porn Use and the Motivation to Pursue Real-Life Relationships

The Neuroscience of Porn Use and the Motivation to Pursue Real-Life Relationships

42:38The Strength of the Sex Drive and the Impact of Porn on Kids

The Strength of the Sex Drive and the Impact of Porn on Kids

44:58Pornography: Habituation, Extreme Content, and a Poor Coping Mechanism

Pornography: Habituation, Extreme Content, and a Poor Coping Mechanism

47:30Pornography's Impact on Women and the Role of Sexual Trauma

Pornography's Impact on Women and the Role of Sexual Trauma

49:22Pornography as a Self-Soothing Mechanism and the Importance of Therapy

Pornography as a Self-Soothing Mechanism and the Importance of Therapy

50:32Pornography's Influence on the Type of Sex People Are Having

Pornography's Influence on the Type of Sex People Are Having

Part 5: Sexual Psychology and Kink

53:18Aggression in Pornography: Women's Preferences and the Complexity of the Picture

Aggression in Pornography: Women's Preferences and the Complexity of the Picture

55:16Women's Sexual Masochism and the Fluidity of Sexuality

Women's Sexual Masochism and the Fluidity of Sexuality

57:58The Evolutionary Reason for Women's Sexual Fluidity and the Link Between BDSM and Childhood Abuse

The Evolutionary Reason for Women's Sexual Fluidity and the Link Between BDSM and Childhood Abuse

1:01:11BDSM and Kink: A Way to Work Through Trauma or a Sign Something Went Wrong?

BDSM and Kink: A Way to Work Through Trauma or a Sign Something Went Wrong?

1:04:21Romanticy and the Archetypal Desire for a Man Who Is Dangerous But Not Around Me

Romanticy and the Archetypal Desire for a Man Who Is Dangerous But Not Around Me

Part 6: Social Media and Physical Standards

1:08:25The Most Sexually Permissive Culture in History Having the Least Amount of Sex

The Most Sexually Permissive Culture in History Having the Least Amount of Sex

1:11:38Social Media's Impact on Attractiveness and the Comparison Game

Social Media's Impact on Attractiveness and the Comparison Game

1:13:11Plastic Surgery Trends: Breast Augmentation, Labiaplasty, and Facelifts

Plastic Surgery Trends: Breast Augmentation, Labiaplasty, and Facelifts

1:16:20The Goal of Plastic Surgery: Looking Like You're in Your Mid-Twenties

The Goal of Plastic Surgery: Looking Like You're in Your Mid-Twenties

1:18:16The Evolution of the Ideal Female Form and the Signaling of Wealth and Luxury

The Evolution of the Ideal Female Form and the Signaling of Wealth and Luxury

1:21:18Men's Dislike of Plastic Surgery and the Sidney Sweeney vs. Sabrina Carpenter Debate

Men's Dislike of Plastic Surgery and the Sidney Sweeney vs. Sabrina Carpenter Debate