259: Understanding Why Your Child Hits (And What Actually Helps)

Hitting behaviors and persistent demands for treats in young children often stem from underlying unmet needs rather than defiance. During a high-conflict divorce, a child’s hitting may be an expression of global stress or a misguided attempt to secure connection and autonomy when their environment feels chaotic. Parents can address these behaviors by identifying specific needs—such as the desire for joy or control—and offering alternative, age-appropriate strategies. For instance, replacing a rigid "no" regarding treats with a collaborative discussion about daily limits empowers the child and reduces power struggles. Furthermore, physical boundaries should be set directly by expressing personal discomfort rather than using physical retaliation like tickling, which undermines consent. By reframing challenging behaviors as communication, parents can foster emotional safety and maintain their own sense of competence during difficult life transitions.