Here are two models of “the norm” when it comes to flirtatious escalation, assuming both people are in fact interested:

“Mutual Escalation”: both people go back-and-forth making gradually more escalative moves. One might tend to escalate first, but the other will at least match escalation level.
“Active/Passive”: one person makes roughly all of the escalative moves. The other person passively approves/disapproves, and the active participant tracks their approval when deciding to dial up/down.

Multiple people (including agree-votes and offline) have told me that the first is most common. Multiple people (including agree-votes and offline) have told me that the second is most common.

What I really want to know is:

Conditional on mutual interest, what are the relative frequencies of these two kinds of flirtatious escalation?
Are there particular settings/cultures/etc in which those frequencies are very different?

These are both fairly difficult questions to answer, because of [...]

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Outline:

(01:54) Some Priors

(02:47) Some Data

(04:22) Some Better Answers?

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First published:
September 2nd, 2025

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/dpfYKEC2NijExZQQ6/when-both-people-are-interested-how-often-is-flirtatious

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

“When Both People Are Interested, How Often Is Flirtatious Escalation Mutual?” by johnswentworth

LessWrong (30+ Karma)

“When Both People Are Interested, How Often Is Flirtatious Escalation Mutual?” by johnswentworth