I have a tendency to feel very guilty when I have harmed others, especially when the harm was quite large. And I do think I've been legitimately quite hurtful and harmful to a number of people over the course of my life.

Some of my guilt has persisted for years after recognizing the mistake[1]. I think I prefer this to not feeling remorseful at all, but I do also wonder if I'm responding optimally. I suspect that a form of social anxiety might nudge into excessive feelings of guilt.

Guilt done right?

So here are some musings on how to actually respond when you realize you've harmed another person through your own error. I'm writing this to help myself thinking about it, and sharing it partly to maybe benefit answers, and partly to elicit answers from others.

Principal #1: Your guilt and remorse should not make things worse for [...]

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Outline:

(00:32) Guilt done right?

(01:04) Understand and address the causes of your mistake

(02:43) Apologize and make amends

(04:39) Improper guilt?

(04:43) Guilt as penance? Guilt as social signaling?

(05:52) Disruptive Guilt

(06:20) Harming Others and the Social Contract

The original text contained 1 footnote which was omitted from this narration.

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First published:
December 31st, 2023

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/GBkc5yRgomstBkabn/the-proper-response-to-mistakes-that-have-harmed-others

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

“The proper response to mistakes that have harmed others?” by Ruby

LessWrong (30+ Karma)

“The proper response to mistakes that have harmed others?” by Ruby