Do You Feel Loved?

Human longing for love often leads to ineffective, counterproductive strategies, such as testing partners, performing for approval, or hiding vulnerabilities. Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky explains that the discrepancy between being loved and feeling loved stems from a failure to perceive or internalize affection. Instead of attempting to change oneself or others, fostering deeper connection requires shifting the nature of daily conversations. By demonstrating genuine curiosity, practicing high-quality listening, and maintaining an open heart, individuals can create the relational conditions necessary for mutual vulnerability. Psychologist Greg Walton further addresses the tendency to fall into negative thought spirals, noting that these often arise from "tiff bits"—small, misinterpreted facts that trigger catastrophic narratives. Overcoming these spirals involves breaking challenges into manageable steps, cultivating a growth mindset, and leaning on social support to shift from a deficit-based perspective toward a trajectory of personal becoming.