Episode 5: All of it

The decision to have children carries profound weight when viewed through the lens of intergenerational trauma and mental illness. Helena de Groot examines her family’s history of depression and suicide, tracing a lineage of struggle that spans from her grandmother to her own teenage battle with anorexia. By interviewing her mother, Annika, she confronts the reality of how her past instability impacted her family and questions if her genetic predisposition makes parenthood an irresponsible choice. Despite the fear of passing on this cycle of suffering, the dialogue reveals the complexity of maternal love and the potential for growth through shared hardship. Ultimately, the narrative balances the desire for self-preservation and control against the existential longing for meaning, culminating in a reflection on the finality of her upcoming sterilization and the search for purpose in the remaining half of her life.