The fifth Key to an Intimate Marriage is "Take Responsibility". That may be a loaded phrase for some, but hear me out.

Very often among educated, successful couples, we have this idea that everything should be split 50/50, fair and equal. You may be familiar with the phrases, "it takes two to tango," and "we are both in this together." While those are true in their context, meeting each other halfway isn't the way to a passionate marriage.

The only way all aspects of the marriage will be addressed and taken care of is if you take 100% responsibility for the quality of your relationship. Ideally, your partner will take 100% as well, but when you take all the responsibility you won't be waiting around for your partner to do their part and instead will go ahead and improve things.

That does NOT mean that you're 100% a caretaker or nurturer. That doesn't mean you do all the work. It may mean taking the initiative to make some plans for yourself to go to the spa, asking your partner for help with household matters, stepping into the hard conversations, or just being responsible for making interactions feel good and respectful. Basically, it means you stop waiting for your spouse to change before bettering yourself and how you show up in your relationship.

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72. Take Responsibility

The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Doctor Alexandra Stockwell, MD