Why do we want to hurt the people that hurt us?
Over the years we have spoken about so many different aspects of relationships but today’s topic is one we have never fully unpacked before and it’s one of the most destructive forces in relationships: revenge.

We don’t always call it that in romantic relationships, but when couples fall into patterns of "getting back at each other", keeping score, or holding long grievances, they’re often trapped in what’s called a “revenge loop;” one that science now shows is addictive and deeply damaging.

Today’s guest is James Kimmel. James is a lawyer, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine and the author of The Science of Revenge. James has done a huge amount of research into how revenge quietly simmers inside all of us and how revenge triggers the brain’s reward system, much like a drug, and some of us might be revenge addicts without even knowing it.

Today we chat:

James wanting to get revenge on the teenage boys who killed his dog
The neuroscience of revenge & how it can be addictive
Could this ever be used as a ‘defence’ in court?
Why we want the people who hurt us to hurt
Justice v revenge
How Hollywood has relied on revenge plot narratives
How women and men experience empathy differently
How forgiveness can rewire our brains

You can find more from James Kimmel at his website

You can get a copy of The Science of Revenge

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Could You Be A Revenge Addict Without Even Knowing It? Uncut with James Kimmel

Life Uncut