What if the marriage you’re living is the exact marriage you deserve? I know—sounds harsh, right? But hang with me. In over ten years of coaching men through separation, I’ve learned that treating this “what-if” as true is the quickest way to spotlight the blind spots you're contributing to the breakdown of the relationship.

Go to https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-26 for a full episode overview.

00:00 Introduction
00:20 You Get The Marriage You Deserve... Sort of
01:00 Key to Uncovering Blind Spots
03:44 How to Use this "What If"
04:29 Am I Too Harsh on Husbands?
05:42 Why You Should Want This To Be True
08:17 Addressing The Peace Keepers
12:10 The Danger of Peacekeeping
14:22 Key Takeaways
16:11 If you remember one thing...
17:33 Moving Forward With Self-Awareness

“Stephen… isn’t that a little harsh?”

Yes, and it’s meant to jolt us awake. I’m not saying you deserve pain or betrayal. I’m asking you to imagine you might be a bigger part of the problem than you realize. I often see two typical reactions to this statement:

“Nope, not me!” → usually indicates pride, unwillingness to self-examine.
“Okay… maybe.” → usually indicates humility, openness to learn, far easier to coach.

The question forces healthy self-interrogation:

“What would I need to be blind to for this to be true?”

Why You Should Want This To Be True

You have more power than you think – If your habits helped create the mess, your new habits can help clean it up.
Divorce ≠ Automatic Fix – You can’t divorce yourself. Growth—not escape—is the thing that brings lasting change.
Pride Shattered, Humility Unleashed – Humility and marital satisfaction rise (or fall) together. Most lessons in this series seek to help you do one of three things: Set aside ego, Consider your wife’s experience, Proactively do better—because there is better to do.

Big Takeaways You’ll Hear

It’s not literally true you always get exactly what you deserve—but acting as if can uncover life-changing blind spots.
Every marriage contains two flawed humans carrying baggage and ignorance. When those go unexamined, dissatisfaction skyrockets.
“You don’t have a ceiling—you do have blind spots.” Deny that, and your best-possible marriage stays out of reach.

You Get Exactly The Marriage You Deserve (What If?)

Husband Help Haven Podcast: Marriage Advice for Men Facing Separation, Affair or Divorce