#920 - Dr John Delony - Why Do We Date People That Need Fixing? | Modern Wisdom

This episode explores the challenges men face in modern relationships and the complexities of emotional expression and self-worth. Against the backdrop of societal pressures and evolving relationship dynamics, the conversation delves into the common tendency for men to seek partners they feel a need to "fix," reflecting unresolved personal issues. More significantly, the discussion highlights the importance of distinguishing between "needs" and "wants" in relationships, emphasizing the fear of vulnerability and the lack of a cultural framework for expressing desires. For instance, the hosts discuss how the transactional nature of modern life impacts friendships and the difficulty men face in expressing their needs and wants authentically. The conversation further examines the impact of societal expectations on men's emotional expression and the need for a culture of presence and support rather than solely focusing on solutions. Ultimately, the episode underscores the importance of self-love, recognizing one's inherent worth, and the crucial role of supportive relationships in navigating life's challenges.

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#920 - Dr John Delony - Why Do We Date People That Need Fixing?

Modern Wisdom

00:00Introduction and Initial Pleasantries

Introduction and Initial Pleasantries

01:18Chris Williamson's Approach to Mental Health and Relationships

Chris Williamson's Approach to Mental Health and Relationships

03:04The Importance of Presence Over Answers in Difficult Times

The Importance of Presence Over Answers in Difficult Times

05:51The Power of Action and Presence in Supporting Others

The Power of Action and Presence in Supporting Others

08:02Personal Experiences and the Transactional Nature of Modern Relationships

Personal Experiences and the Transactional Nature of Modern Relationships

11:58The Dangers of Limiting Friendships to Work Colleagues

The Dangers of Limiting Friendships to Work Colleagues

14:23Loving Someone for Who They Are, Not What They Do

Loving Someone for Who They Are, Not What They Do

16:08Personal Growth and the Challenge of Self-Acceptance

Personal Growth and the Challenge of Self-Acceptance

19:54Therapy, CBT, and ACT as Tools for Personal Growth

Therapy, CBT, and ACT as Tools for Personal Growth

22:25Advice on Supporting Men and the Conflict Between High Performance and Self-Love

Advice on Supporting Men and the Conflict Between High Performance and Self-Love

25:07The Importance of Discomfort and the Dangers of Avoiding It

The Importance of Discomfort and the Dangers of Avoiding It

27:20The Impact of Online Culture on Relationships and Self-Perception

The Impact of Online Culture on Relationships and Self-Perception

31:50Why People Choose Partners They Feel They Need to Fix

Why People Choose Partners They Feel They Need to Fix

33:57High Achievement as a Trauma Response and the Illusion of Fulfillment

High Achievement as a Trauma Response and the Illusion of Fulfillment

36:50The Allure of Difficult Relationships and the Variable Schedule Reward

The Allure of Difficult Relationships and the Variable Schedule Reward

40:47Re-examining Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and the Modern Context

Re-examining Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and the Modern Context

43:56Self-Actualization in the Modern World and the Importance of Meaningful Contribution

Self-Actualization in the Modern World and the Importance of Meaningful Contribution

46:08The Importance of Shared Experiences and Collective Effort

The Importance of Shared Experiences and Collective Effort

50:35The Importance of Shared Experiences and the Challenges of Solo Entrepreneurship

The Importance of Shared Experiences and the Challenges of Solo Entrepreneurship

53:01Needs vs. Wants in Modern Relationships and the Fear of Being Wrong

Needs vs. Wants in Modern Relationships and the Fear of Being Wrong

56:08Finding the Courage to Leave a Relationship and the Importance of External Support

Finding the Courage to Leave a Relationship and the Importance of External Support

1:01:12Recognizing Leakage and the Importance of Honoring Grief

Recognizing Leakage and the Importance of Honoring Grief

1:03:02The Role of Uncertainty and the Importance of Self-Belief in Navigating Change

The Role of Uncertainty and the Importance of Self-Belief in Navigating Change

1:05:31Choosing a Different Path and the Importance of Agency

Choosing a Different Path and the Importance of Agency

1:08:16Leaning In During Difficult Times and the Importance of External Validation

Leaning In During Difficult Times and the Importance of External Validation

1:11:02Assessing Relationship Effort and the Importance of Self-Worth

Assessing Relationship Effort and the Importance of Self-Worth

1:13:30The Importance of Feeling and Embodied Experiences

The Importance of Feeling and Embodied Experiences

1:16:35Advice for Moving On From Breakups and Honoring Grief

Advice for Moving On From Breakups and Honoring Grief

1:19:13Recognizing and Addressing Emotional Leakage

Recognizing and Addressing Emotional Leakage

1:22:26Grief, the DSM, and the Importance of Context in Mental Health

Grief, the DSM, and the Importance of Context in Mental Health

1:25:21Processing Past Trauma and the Importance of Ceremonies

Processing Past Trauma and the Importance of Ceremonies

1:28:17Moving Memories from Short-Term to Long-Term Memory and EMDR

Moving Memories from Short-Term to Long-Term Memory and EMDR

1:31:28Processing Past Trauma and the Importance of Guided Journaling

Processing Past Trauma and the Importance of Guided Journaling

1:34:37The HEAL Framework for Processing Difficult Emotions

The HEAL Framework for Processing Difficult Emotions

1:38:45The Importance of Self-Compassion and Addressing Male Normative Alexithymia

The Importance of Self-Compassion and Addressing Male Normative Alexithymia

1:42:23Type A Personalities, Type B Problems and Vice Versa

Type A Personalities, Type B Problems and Vice Versa

1:45:07Chris's Journey into Evolutionary Psychology and its Impact on His Life

Chris's Journey into Evolutionary Psychology and its Impact on His Life

1:50:20The Weight of Success and the Importance of a Slower Pace of Life

The Weight of Success and the Importance of a Slower Pace of Life

2:00:20Concluding Thoughts and Call to Action

Concluding Thoughts and Call to Action