Are the straights okay? In episode 44 of Overthink, Ellie and David dive into “heteropessimism,” the sense of disillusionment or even shame associated with heterosexuality. From viral TikTok videos to studies showing that women are less dissatisfied than men in heterosexual relationships, post #metoo society is reckoning with the everyday sexism of many relationships. Ellie and David explore the reasons for heteropessimism, consider alternatives such as political lesbianism and boys' education, and ask: how can we be attracted to things that are bad for us, and how can we break out of a heteropessimistic approach to love?

Works Discussed

Asa Seresin, “On Heteropessimism”
Lena Gunnarsson, The Contradictions of Love
Mari Ruti, Penis Envy and Other Bad Feelings: The Emotional Costs of Everyday Life
Lauren Berlant, Cruel Optimism
Sandra Bartky, Femininity and Domination
Lauren Berlant and Lee Edelman, Sex, Or the Unbearable
Andrea Long Chu, “The Impossibility of Feminism”
Pauline Harmange, Moi les hommes, je les déteste
Jack Halberstam, In A Queer Time and Place
Ronald F. Levant, Philip A. Allen, and Mei-Ching Lien, “Alexithymia in Men: How and when do emotional processing deficiencies occur?”
Ronald Levant, “Desperately Seeking Language: Understanding, Assessing, and Treating Normative Male Alexithymia”
Lauren Papp, Chrystyna D. Kouros, and E. Mark Cummings, “Demand-Withdraw patterns in marital conflict in the home”
D.L. Vogel, S.R. Wester, M. Heesacker, and S. Madon, “Dating relationships and the demand/withdraw pattern of communication”
Stephanie Coontz, “How to Make Your Marriage Gayer”

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