It feels a little icky to say, but we befriend people because we get something out of it. We enjoy the company, the conversation, the emotional support, the activities, the connection, etc. It's not a coincidence people don't befriend brick walls.

(The same is true in romantic relationships, except we expect even more.)

Granted, friendship is not an explicit transaction that's negotiated, quantified, legally enforceable, etc. It's fuzzy, which helps it work better for reasons I won't really get into here[1].

However it's crucial to recognize that if your friend (or partner) didn't provide or promise you some kind of value[2], you wouldn't have become friends in the first place.

And yet, people valorize the notion of loyalty in relationships: continuing to be there through thick and thin, good and bad, health and illness. "Unconditional friendship" and "unconditional love". Conversely "fair weather friendship" is denigrated.

People hope to be [...]

The original text contained 2 footnotes which were omitted from this narration.

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First published:
July 17th, 2024

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/SXvc8xsLA6hPkdh9w/friendship-is-transactional-unconditional-friendship-is

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

“Friendship is transactional, unconditional friendship is insurance” by Ruby

LessWrong (30+ Karma)