Back in 2016 or so, I ran into an idea going around the self-help / trauma-informed-therapy / cognitive-behavioral internet: Learn to say “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”. It's turned out to be one of the most transformative pieces of advice I’ve ever taken. I’d like to share what it's done for me, with just enough context to help others think about adopting it.

The idea

Whenever you want to apologize to someone who has done something for you, consider thanking them instead.

Examples

I trip and fall, and you help me up. I could apologize for inconveniencing you or I could thank you for helping me.
I refer to the fat guy statue in a Chinese restaurant as Buddha, and you politely inform me that it's actually Budai / Hotei. I could apologize for being stupid or I could thank you for making me smarter.
I'm having [...]

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Outline:

(00:27) The idea

(00:36) Examples

(01:24) Is this just a generic post about growth mindset / cognitive-behavioral therapy / positivity bias?

(01:42) But first, counterexamples

(02:22) Why “thank you” is awesome

(02:26) Ways saying “thank you” affects me

(03:24) Ways I hope it affects the other person:

(04:31) When might this be bad advice?

(05:01) Conclusion

The original text contained 3 footnotes which were omitted from this narration.

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First published:
July 8th, 2024

Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/ascu5u6qF4Thu3YP7/on-saying-thank-you-instead-of-i-m-sorry

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.

“On saying ‘Thank you’ instead of ‘I’m Sorry’” by Michael Cohn

LessWrong (30+ Karma)